Localized Server Room Blackout Causes Disturbance!

BSOD that displayed on affected devices

A recent blackout has occurred in approximately 1/3 of The Server Room, causing mild panic among the SaaS people. Reportedly, one of the SaaS Lords' PC got ded which is what led to the blackout. 

This BSOD was displayed on any SaaS whose connection to the Server Room was lost. 

The quote "Eat A Dick SaaS Lords" possibly implies that someone maliciously took advantage of the SaaS Lords' PC dying, and it is being investigated.

Infamous RCB CawkBoi escapes Sausage Dungeon!

Cawkboi sighted building a dirt shack before flying off

Dangerous RCB Cawkboi escapes Sausage Dungeon!

On the run what will this beast do free in the realm?

Earlier last year this autistic beast went on a rampage throughout the SaaSy sea and was slapped into the sausage dungeon upon request of his owner the GHS Quintismo, and remarkably somehow the RCB survived long enough to escape during a Jib Jar feeding hour gone wrong recently. Ah shit this doesn't sound good for the realm at large; now while SaaS authorities are attempting to track down Cawkboi, his last known location was near the SaaSy sea of Roipa Sanctum which was expected. Upon visiting the Sea we saw that Cawkboi had visited his old shack where he was previously captured and upon closer inspection Cawkboi had left his Minecraft themed fookin computer on, checked his youboob channel for any new subscribers, looked at some scary pornographic websites, and attempted to sub-bot again before leaving in what seems to have been a autistic fit out of his shack leaving a mess of dirt blocks and half eaten SooS Cookies all over the place.

With that crime scene unfolded, Cawkboi's location is now unknown as he probably is off searching for his newest MineMineCrap Boi to kidnap for his next lets play. Be warned that this creature is very dangerous and highly autistic. Cawkboi is known to approach rather young individuals especially and ask them to "Sub For Sub" and if they like minecraft while spitting all over the place using it's special "Mouth of a Thousand Cocks"  speech pattern, courtesy of the SooS Isack for coining the term. At this point Whether or not the victim has said anything cawkboi will snatch em up and run off to his nearest dirt shack and force them to play Minecraft with him while recording a cringy low quality lets play.

Cawkboi's original Owner Quintismo has put a 200 SaaS Coin bounty for a hasty return of cawkboi to his coliseum, stating that he would want Cawkboi back dead or alive but preferably alive for it to be beat down in the arena once more. SaaS authorities have agreed to let Quintismo take custody of cawkboi again once he is captured if not blown to bits.

 

 

Largest Potaiden in existence discovered in Outer Realm!

The Massive beast floating in space, view from sausage ship

Massive Potaiden discovered in Outer Realm, breaks records!

Could this be the largest Potaiden, and the largest RCB to ever exist in the realm? 

After several Gravitational anomalies were detected somewhere in the Outer reaches of the realm, SaaS scouters were sent to investigate and made a monumental discovery! This would be the largest Living creature ever found, estimated to be about 8 kilometers across and the size of a large asteroid. A very unusual find as the creature appears to be a giant Potaiden Rcb, as it attempted to toss trash bags and fire rootbeer at SaaS nearing it's surface confirming this(along with muffled screeching through the void of space). After further observations this Potaiden seems to be just rolling through space, some speculate this could be the source of all native Potaiden hordes around the realm. 

Now No more attempts to near it's surface have been made yet, as it's just as hostile as a normal Potaiden, and scans indicate alot of it's insides and hollow and full of life signals. Not to mention this beast has some kind of aura of autism when you get closer to it. So no one wants to shake this potato hive as shit will really hit the fan lol. Also as this creature, being a living hive for other potaidens seems to lends more credence to the theory that this is the Mother of all Potaiden RCBs. So for now SaaS Command intends to let it be and study it further with following ships and monitor it's trajectory through space. 

SaaS Command advises all realm residents to avoid this new discovery for now or you'll probably fucking die trying to get near it or end up in a trash bag filled with rootbeer.

Note: (yes we know you want it dead already don't count on it, It's a little to big and we aren't going to start shit with this giant starch ball right now)

RCB CawkBoi Sent to the Sausage Dungeon

CawkBoi in his cell, screeching loudly

Infamous RCB Cawk Boi sent to the Sausage Dungeon 

A Development to no one's surprise 

The Infamous RCB Cawkboi known for frequent appearances in Quintismo's (aka the GHS) coliseum getting his shit beat out many times over by various contestants. So he has been arrested by the SaaS authorities after going on a rampage through the SaaS Sea after escaping to look for small children to hold hostage for his minecraft letplay and other RCB autism. After a short search with the help of Quintismo's subbot trackers, Cawkboi was found in a shack not far away subboting his youboob channel and recording a "How to survive in minecraft jailbreak tutorial". He was quickly arrested after he tripped on a fookin minecraft dirt block trying to run away. He was sent directly to the sausage dungeon after that by request of his owner Quintismo saying he had no further use as a cannon fodder boss in his coliseum. 

Cawk boi now awaits his SaaSy punishment in the motherlicken dungeon, being a RCB he'll probably be thrown in the fire by Thomas and Alfred along with the old sacks filled with Jibjars stuffed with Potaidens.

 

Anti-Ham Horde arising in the Realm

A Anti-Ham Pack on Molestaar

Newfound surge of realm Anti-Ham found on Molestaar

Does this pose a threat to Tommy Dickson's Ham empire in the realm?

As of Late, reports of Anti-Ham having been popping up around on Molestaar; a rather strange event for the Realm. Considering Anti-Hams are rare in the realm and among Mr.Dickson and his Rammer's rather negative sentiment towards the creatures mere existence, Anti-Hams are very rare indeed. But Anti-Hams are in fact appearing in such large numbers which suggests something is afoot.

We reached out to the Ham Rammers for comment on this, here is their official response:

"These Anti-Hams are a big shit stain on Molestaar and we know some Anti-Ham fooker is behind this mess! Bringing the immoral enemies of Tommy and the Ham a blatant attack on The Way of the Ham we all hold dear! Of course the evil Anti-Ham Slammer behind this is sending Anti-Ham here from that retched Overworld to attempt to spread Anti-Ham sentiment and Anti-Tommy propaganda among realm residents."

We managed to ask a few questions as well.

Q: What do you Ham Rammers intend to do to these Anti-Hams on the remote desert Planet?

A: Well we plan to round them up and shoot them into the Central Gate portal back to Sol where they belong.

Q:Won't that kill them? You're pretty much flinging them into space if you send them there.

A:Not our problem, Anti-Ham need be purged from the realm as stated in the Way of the Ham.

______________________________________

A rather controversial stance to some realm creatures of the Rammers to fling the creatures into space having done nothing in particular wrong that we know of. The Ham Rammers insist however that Anti-Hams are pure evil and pose a danger to them and others alike. Now the Rammers have put an official bounty on the head of who ever was smuggling Anti-Ham into the Realm, claiming this "Anti-Ham Slammer" is also the one behind the previous attacks towards Tommy's Assets and Stores as well.

You can reach out to the Rammers at your closest Tommy Store if you have information on this.

 

SaaS Online Upgrades Internet Packages, Bringing Gigabit Internet Speeds to The Realm

SaaS Online has just announced that it will be upgrading its network to support up to gigabit speeds. All customers will receive an upgrade soon. Customers will be able to choose from the following packages.

• 50 mbps
• 100 mbps
• 300 mbps
• 1 gigabit

The company is planning on phasing out its SaaS Online dialup service. SaaS IT guy (head of the SaaS IT Dept.) who is overseeing the project said "Dialup is not needed in The Realm anymore. The citizens of The Realm want high speed internet that can handle the modern web." He also said "Most computers in The Realm don't even have a 56k  modem in them anymore."


SaaS Online plans to have every computer in The Realm upgraded by the end of April.

New Mysterious Comet Discovered!

A strange new comet has been spotted in the Cancer Realm. It's been dubbed Mulitmista-01 due to it's constantly changing flight path and speed. It seems like a a promising new area for the SaaS to settle, but it travels so fast and so far most sausage ships have a hard time reaching it, and it frequently goes out of range for teleportation. On top of the extremely cold temperatures, steeling on Mulitmista-01 will most likely be impossible until technological advancements allow it. (Humans and Elithians will have an especially hard time because they really can't take dat cold well)