Group of Luvabois arrested after attempted kidnapping in Sanctum City

Wanted poster for Aushtin and his Luvabois

Group of Luvaboi RCB's arrested after trying to kidnap human females. 

What does this rise of Luvabois activity mean for the human settlements?

 As of late in the human run Sanctum City of Roipa Sanctum; has become a target for the Realm's rising Luvaboi problem after the resurgence of the Aushtin Great RCB. Note: If you have any information on the whereabouts of Aushtin please contact the SaaS RCB command. Now as we all know, since Aushtin is here the luvabois are born from him and seek their "SaaSy Babies" to further their cause to Aushtin. Sanctum City, being a majority human settlement on the neutral Rcb ridden planet of Roipa Sanctum is being targeted for the human females as those are the prime targets for luvaboi RCBs. The human authorities of the city claim that the Luvaboi issue is under control and that the female residents don't need to worry, however they advice them to watch out for any luvaboi activity. Since Luvabois are banned from entering the city they must sneak in to get what they want.

Overlord Dale has offered the humans SaaS protection before since beyond the city's walls it's still that RCB nest of a planet as always. But the humans vow to stay neutral as they don't want SooS attacking the City.

Now the city has also released recording of a luvaboi being interviewed while in custody, maybe this can shine light on their intentions more accurately below.

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Investigator: So, What did you think you were doing in Sanctum city? Are you aware that Luvabois are banned from here for the same reason you are arrested and here with me right now?

Luvaboi: U-um yea boi  I know.

Investigator: I admire the lengths at which you tried to sneak into the city and kidnap our citizens, you're smart for a RCB but your plans will never succeed.

Luvaboi: B-but we need SaaSy babies to make us WHOLE BOI, it must be done! All of you people are always trying to ruin our dreams!

(The luvaboi struggles in it's restraints)

Investigator: Well that sure worked you up now didn't it? Don't worry I'll make sure you and your kind won't be kidnapping my citizens for your sick rituals and perverted sheit ever.

(The luvaboi seems to become distressed)

 Luvaboi: No you don't UNDERSTAND BOI, SaaSy babies are what we live for, what Aushtin wants! IT IS OUR DESTINY!

Investigator: Right....Kidnapping humans to make into your sex slaves huh? Sounds to me like typical RCB behavior but on a more concentrated level.

Luvaboi: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu you are a meanie who hates true love! Aushtin will save us just you wait! Aushtin will defeat all you who stand in our lovequest's way!

 (The luvaboi begins singing MTC loudly and rocking back and forth)

 Investigator: You Know you're lucky we aren't SaaS otherwise you'd be executed already. Alright were done here, the luvaboi isn't complying anymore. God these luvaboi fucks are crazy!

 

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Usually luvabois are more cowardly but this one was fookin pissed m8, other than that the humans plan on releasing the Luvabois into the Raep Woods where the current change of Corn Fucks is at a new high.

Ham Rammers Hold Q&A Session Regarding Bombing Attack!

Ham Rammers reveal thoughts and opinions concerning recent bombings and tensions between SaaS and SooS!

Earlier today, SaaS Online News reached out to both Tommy Dickson and the Ham Rammer Religious Organisation concerning the recent bombing in Tommy Dickson's Book Store. We also asked them about their opinions on the likely cause of the bombings: The tensions between SaaS and SooS. An official representative of the Ham Rammers met with us and had a quick Q&A session with us. See the questions and answers below:

Q: What do you planning on doing in response to the bombing of the book store?

A: Oh we're gonna find the attackers and then we'll throw them into our Ham Dungeon.

Q: What's the "Ham Dungeon"?

A: The Ham Dungeon is the place we throw all the naughty bois who disobey The Way of The Ham. We force feed them pickles and make them dress up in sheit for our videos and for future books.

Q: Will you stop accepting SooS in your store because of this?

A: Fook no, boi. The Way of The Ham says we should be accepting of all living creatures, cancer or otherwise. 

Q: Some say that the Ham Rammers instigated this attack by accepting both SaaS and SooS into your shop. How do you respond to them?

A: The attack is in no way our fault. The SaaS and SooS just need to grow the fook up and settle their sheit peacefully so they don't hurt innocent appreciators of Tommy Dickson's work. Tommy Dickson's Book Store is a place of peace and should be a judgement free place. Not a war zone.

Q: You've mentioned "The Way of The Ham" two times now. What exactly is it?

A: The The Way of The Ham is a book all members of the Ham Rammer Religious Organisation carry on them. It contains all of the rules that Ham Rammers must follow. For example: Rule 7 says "All living creatures can be welcomed into the Ham Rammers as long as their heart belongs to Tommy."

Q: What does Tommy himself think about this bombing?

A: Well, we don't really know. We've never actually met him before.

Q: So you guys started a religious group for somebody you've never even seen before and still haven't seen to this day? Does he never show up at his Book Store?

A: Well, he has some sort of magic that he uses to restock the books remotely. It's a bit awkward sometimes worshiping someone you've never seen before, but The Way of The Ham says "When the time is right, our Lord and Savior will appear before us to cleanse the Cancer Realm of those unworthy to become Ham Rammers."

We've yet to get a response from Tommy Dickson but we will write an update should he respond to our questions.

                                      This has been SaaS Online News reporting for the Realm 

Bomb Massacre in Tommy Dickson's Book store!

The bookstore before the attack packed with creatures after the release of Tommy's new book

Bombing attack inside Tommy Dickson's Bookstore leaves 12 dead and 22 injured! 

How will the Ham Rammers or Tommy respond to this attack?

The very popular Book store of Tommy Dickson just moments ago was bombed leaving 5 SooS, 4 humans, 1 SaaS and 2 others realm creatures blown to sheit. The blast seemed to have come from the check out line near the entrance of the store, right now authorities don't know who is responsible for the Attack. Some realm residents are speculating that the attack was motivated by the Presence of SooS in the store after the Ham Rammer Religious organization declared that all species of realm residents are welcome to join their religion. Overlord Dale had made a announcement after their statement stating that

 "it's a bad idea welcoming both SooS and SaaS (two currently warring factions) to go to the store and join that religion or buy books". -Dale

So a attack like this was only destined to happen, with tensions so high that even Tommy's Wondrous books could not distract them forever from seeing their enemy in the same store. Then again though the attacker has not been confirmed as a SaaS  it's still a very likely choice. Now then, some are now blaming the Ham Rammers for the deaths as they are the group in control of the sector the store was in and also for their open arms policy to join/come to the store. 

We now await the Ham Rammers response to this as the blood is being pinned on their hands for being the  alleged "instigators".

Corn Fuck Rcb spotted in Raep Woods!

The Corn Fuck seen as it flees from the crime scene

Corn fuck RCB spotted in Raep Woods up to It's serial sausage tickling schemes! 

What does this rare RCB pose to the Woods?

So the SaaS are concerned after they found a Corn Fuck RCB in the mists of a sausage tickling rampage on innocent cancers visiting the raep woods. This came after reports of things dieing of extreme sausage tickling trauma, along with some Herbolaids found to have been sprayed on them by the Corn Fucks. SaaS authorities are warning visitors to the Raep woods to be careful of Corn Fucks, as their threat is greater if not equal to a molestasious Jib Jar. Not to worry though as SaaS RCB squads have been sent to nuke the Corn Fucks with plasma until they fookin die m8.

What to do if you encounter a corn fuck

First off you will begin to hear the Naruto theme song being blasted in the distance(this is a warning sign to get the fook out of there). Then you will begin to hear the corn fuck screaming about cream corn and sheit. Then the Corn fuck will emerge and stare you down panting furiously as it sizes you up for a sausage(Note: not having a sausage does not prevent a corn fuck from molesting you). It is very important that you do not run as it will spray you with herbolaids, so stand your ground and then begin to show the Corn fuck your body pillow collection. If the Corn fuck is interested it will ask you what your favorite anime is, make sure to say It's Naruto because otherwise the RCB will attack you. Now then, At this point the RCB may be fantasizing about it's Waifus so you may have a change to blow it's head off with what ever Anti-Rcb blaster you have. 

Otherwise

Whats that you don't have a weapon? Well um then you either get ded or maybe another RCB will try and raep the Corn fuck, other than that we don't know what to do. (Lol who fookin goes into the Raep woods anyway, it's crawling with RCBS) The only reason this is a big problem is that they may escape from Roipa Sanctum into other places.

This has been SaaS Online News reporting for the Realm 

 

SaaS Grand army now accepting other races into their ranks!

After the SaaS Loss on the planetoid "Sinahatha" SaaS are now accepting Non-SaaS to join!

What does this mean for the future of the Grand SaaS Army?

As of late, Overlord Dale has declared Non-SaaS such as humans to be able to sign up to the SaaS army. This has came to be after the SaaS losing the Planetoid Sinahatha to the SooS after 5 years of conflict and ass blasting the shiet out of the poor planet. Thus the end and loss of the SaaS has made them leave the planet covered with SooS and seas of burning plasma. So with that ordeal in the minds of the realm, humans for the most part are the ones signing up to be trained and SaaSified into the army.

SaaS high command has a small set of rules for joining the Army

1. You must swear unyielding loyalty to the SaaS Leaders and to Overlord Dale.
2. You must under go SaaSification to gain your needed SaaS prowess and powers.
3. You will never show remorse to the dirty SooS!

So since realm born humans are already living on SaaS planets and are permitted by the SaaS, you humans have no reason to not smash some SooS!

New Tommy Dickson Book Published, "Ham Rammer" Religion Formed!

"Slam Ham On Sam", Tommy Dickson's latest book.

Famous Cancer Realm author Tommy Dickson has released a new book recently. The new book, "Slam Ham On Sam", was an immediate hit like all of Dickson's other books. This latest released has attracted even more fans to Dickson's work, to the point that some people are starting a whole religion where they worship "Tommy Dickson, the one true Ham God". . These so called "Ham Rammers" hold meetings full of buttraep, pickles, and hams (cats) in order to draw more Realm Residents to the up and coming religion. In an interview, a representative said "The Ham Rammers are a non discriminatory group. All residents of The Cancer Realm are welcome here if they give their devotion to Tommy Dickson. Be they SaaS, SooS, Humans, or anything else." Despite all this news, Tommy Dickson himself has still yet to make a confirmed appearance or make a statement on the "Ham Rammers". We will keep you all updated if any news arises.