Anti-Ham Horde arising in the Realm

A Anti-Ham Pack on Molestaar

Newfound surge of realm Anti-Ham found on Molestaar

Does this pose a threat to Tommy Dickson's Ham empire in the realm?

As of Late, reports of Anti-Ham having been popping up around on Molestaar; a rather strange event for the Realm. Considering Anti-Hams are rare in the realm and among Mr.Dickson and his Rammer's rather negative sentiment towards the creatures mere existence, Anti-Hams are very rare indeed. But Anti-Hams are in fact appearing in such large numbers which suggests something is afoot.

We reached out to the Ham Rammers for comment on this, here is their official response:

"These Anti-Hams are a big shit stain on Molestaar and we know some Anti-Ham fooker is behind this mess! Bringing the immoral enemies of Tommy and the Ham a blatant attack on The Way of the Ham we all hold dear! Of course the evil Anti-Ham Slammer behind this is sending Anti-Ham here from that retched Overworld to attempt to spread Anti-Ham sentiment and Anti-Tommy propaganda among realm residents."

We managed to ask a few questions as well.

Q: What do you Ham Rammers intend to do to these Anti-Hams on the remote desert Planet?

A: Well we plan to round them up and shoot them into the Central Gate portal back to Sol where they belong.

Q:Won't that kill them? You're pretty much flinging them into space if you send them there.

A:Not our problem, Anti-Ham need be purged from the realm as stated in the Way of the Ham.

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A rather controversial stance to some realm creatures of the Rammers to fling the creatures into space having done nothing in particular wrong that we know of. The Ham Rammers insist however that Anti-Hams are pure evil and pose a danger to them and others alike. Now the Rammers have put an official bounty on the head of who ever was smuggling Anti-Ham into the Realm, claiming this "Anti-Ham Slammer" is also the one behind the previous attacks towards Tommy's Assets and Stores as well.

You can reach out to the Rammers at your closest Tommy Store if you have information on this.

 

SaaS Online Upgrades Internet Packages, Bringing Gigabit Internet Speeds to The Realm

SaaS Online has just announced that it will be upgrading its network to support up to gigabit speeds. All customers will receive an upgrade soon. Customers will be able to choose from the following packages.

• 50 mbps
• 100 mbps
• 300 mbps
• 1 gigabit

The company is planning on phasing out its SaaS Online dialup service. SaaS IT guy (head of the SaaS IT Dept.) who is overseeing the project said "Dialup is not needed in The Realm anymore. The citizens of The Realm want high speed internet that can handle the modern web." He also said "Most computers in The Realm don't even have a 56k  modem in them anymore."


SaaS Online plans to have every computer in The Realm upgraded by the end of April.

New Mysterious Comet Discovered!

A strange new comet has been spotted in the Cancer Realm. It's been dubbed Mulitmista-01 due to it's constantly changing flight path and speed. It seems like a a promising new area for the SaaS to settle, but it travels so fast and so far most sausage ships have a hard time reaching it, and it frequently goes out of range for teleportation. On top of the extremely cold temperatures, steeling on Mulitmista-01 will most likely be impossible until technological advancements allow it. (Humans and Elithians will have an especially hard time because they really can't take dat cold well)

Tommy Dickson Ham supply building attacked!

The building on fire as hams explode out of it

Deliberate Bombing attack on Tommy Dickson's Ham Supply building! 

Another attack on Tommy property leaves Ham Rammers in shock!

Another Bombing has taken place on Tommy Dickson's property but this time not at his store, but at a important ham supply building in the forests of Roipa Sanctum. Such an attack has lead creatures to believe the book store bombing is linked and actually was a deliberate attack against Tommy and the Ham Rammers, not a feud between the SaaS and SooS. However not much evidence and information has come out yet but we will keep you bois posted on developments.

Now early Sources say someone blew the fook out of the Ham supply building, leaving it in flames. The attack looks to have created a huge loss of ham for Tommy as the hams inside exploded into all directions. Ham Rammers on the scene are searching for the un-rammed Hams in the woods as they put out the fires.

Once more Tommy Dickson is silent on the issue, leaving the Ham Rammers to soon address this deliberate act of Anti-Ham Ramming Fookery. If the two attacks are linked the Ham Rammers might have a big problem if this continues, but such attacks lead to the question: Who the fook does not like Tommy Dickson and his books? Who or what ever doesn't like him really seems to wants to see him fall, as the perpetrator has hit a important source of Ham for the Ham Rammers. What will the perpetrator(s) do next?

*SaaS Command has joined forces with the Ham Rammers to try and uncover the source of this terror: So they have issued a 200 SaaS Coin bounty for info on who might have done this.

*Contact SaaS Command if you have any info to get your reward.

Are Humanoid Females in trouble by Luvaboi "SaaSy Baby" routines?

The Creatures themselves

Rising Luvaboi problem starts to become an issue for humanoid females in the realm!

Is the threat really that severe?

As humanoid (either Human or Elithian) females continue to be a target of Luvaboi kidnapping sprees, does this mean they will begin to disappear? No m8, as least for SaaS controlled planets their lives will remain untouched by RCB meddling. However those who those foolish enough to live to neutral planets like Roipa Sanctum will continue to have to worry about Luvabois for now. Most Elithians live on SaaSia V or their home planet Ora Prime so you can say their females are pretty safe. Even if a luvaboi could get to one, Elithians are known for their high usage of magic so good luck trying to kidnap one. 

Now the main point is that humans who are generally weak when it comes to their body unless they have fookin weapons or something. They seem to have the highest number of abductions, all of which come from non-SaaS territories. So what we think is to move to the great planet of SaaSia V to be safe from RCBs and shiet!

 As we speak the hunt for Aushtin is the biggest bounty in the entire cancer realm. Once he is defeated the luvabois will scatter/dwindle and drop their luvaquests. Hopefully his destruction will stop more from being made too

If you have any information on Aushtin, Contact SaaS Command for a reward!

SooS found to be crossbreeding with RCBs?

Artist's Interpretation

SooS found to be crossbreeding with fookin RCBs in a disturbing display of cancerous behavior!

Have the SooS hit a new low?

As of late SaaS scouts have found a strange creature that look like a cross between a Jib Jar and your average SooS. But the shocking thing was that they were found with SooS, which entails that the SooS have been crossbreeding with fookin RCBs. Wow that's pretty fookin nasty m8. So right now the SooS command are silent on the issue but some think they did this either to somehow add effectiveness to their army or just because they are sick fucks. As we all know RCBs are the pinnacle of wild cancer in the realm and to make a hybrid with one is just wrong for any self respecting Realm species to do. Now how they made this hybrid, most are saying it was grown in a lab or something because nothing survives a Jib jar raep m8.

Dale has commented on the creature as a "motherlicken nasty piece of shiet that needs to be flushed down the toilet boi" and most of the SaaS populace agree that the SooS are hitting a new low. 

So now we asked a few SooS civilians in Tommy Dickson's book store about the issue.

Are you aware your fellow SooS have been creating a SooS-Jib Jar hybrid for some reason?

• Um no m8 I'm just here for Tommy's books
• No but dat sounds disturbing 
• Wot why?
• Ehhh?
• "Intense squealing" 
• Yes I heard that the SooS army was trying some new sheit

So as you can see for the most part not even the SooS populace are aware of the act. The SooS army has shown that they really are on a new low in the war.

Group of Luvabois arrested after attempted kidnapping in Sanctum City

Wanted poster for Aushtin and his Luvabois

Group of Luvaboi RCB's arrested after trying to kidnap human females. 

What does this rise of Luvabois activity mean for the human settlements?

 As of late in the human run Sanctum City of Roipa Sanctum; has become a target for the Realm's rising Luvaboi problem after the resurgence of the Aushtin Great RCB. Note: If you have any information on the whereabouts of Aushtin please contact the SaaS RCB command. Now as we all know, since Aushtin is here the luvabois are born from him and seek their "SaaSy Babies" to further their cause to Aushtin. Sanctum City, being a majority human settlement on the neutral Rcb ridden planet of Roipa Sanctum is being targeted for the human females as those are the prime targets for luvaboi RCBs. The human authorities of the city claim that the Luvaboi issue is under control and that the female residents don't need to worry, however they advice them to watch out for any luvaboi activity. Since Luvabois are banned from entering the city they must sneak in to get what they want.

Overlord Dale has offered the humans SaaS protection before since beyond the city's walls it's still that RCB nest of a planet as always. But the humans vow to stay neutral as they don't want SooS attacking the City.

Now the city has also released recording of a luvaboi being interviewed while in custody, maybe this can shine light on their intentions more accurately below.

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Investigator: So, What did you think you were doing in Sanctum city? Are you aware that Luvabois are banned from here for the same reason you are arrested and here with me right now?

Luvaboi: U-um yea boi  I know.

Investigator: I admire the lengths at which you tried to sneak into the city and kidnap our citizens, you're smart for a RCB but your plans will never succeed.

Luvaboi: B-but we need SaaSy babies to make us WHOLE BOI, it must be done! All of you people are always trying to ruin our dreams!

(The luvaboi struggles in it's restraints)

Investigator: Well that sure worked you up now didn't it? Don't worry I'll make sure you and your kind won't be kidnapping my citizens for your sick rituals and perverted sheit ever.

(The luvaboi seems to become distressed)

 Luvaboi: No you don't UNDERSTAND BOI, SaaSy babies are what we live for, what Aushtin wants! IT IS OUR DESTINY!

Investigator: Right....Kidnapping humans to make into your sex slaves huh? Sounds to me like typical RCB behavior but on a more concentrated level.

Luvaboi: Nuuuuuuuuuuuu you are a meanie who hates true love! Aushtin will save us just you wait! Aushtin will defeat all you who stand in our lovequest's way!

 (The luvaboi begins singing MTC loudly and rocking back and forth)

 Investigator: You Know you're lucky we aren't SaaS otherwise you'd be executed already. Alright were done here, the luvaboi isn't complying anymore. God these luvaboi fucks are crazy!

 

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Usually luvabois are more cowardly but this one was fookin pissed m8, other than that the humans plan on releasing the Luvabois into the Raep Woods where the current change of Corn Fucks is at a new high.